Names
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark , Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, a
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument.
The Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
Ah,children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
There! That should stir up some interesting discussion.
Josh H.
Wow, Josh! I didn’t know that you and Z had already written ya’lls talk for Z’s weekend! Good thing it’s not your anniversary anytime soon!
I must make mention of how Z doesn’t like to dress up for funeral wakes. However, her husband makes her. Great post. We will definitely be discussing this tonight.
Okay, I posted a comment a few minutes ago. Why isn’t it showing? Oh well, one more time…
I must point out two flaws in this post:
Eating Out – If I am at dinner with three guys and they each throw $20 down on the table and refuse to admit they need change, I would not join in and also throw down $20. No, I’d take their $60, give the waitress $40, tell her to keep the change, and pocket the rest. Not only would I get to eat for free, but I’d also be $20 richer.
Money – I would not pay $2 for a $1 item I need. I would get one of my “$20 dinner friends” to also buy something for $1, watch him throw down another $20, take his money to pay for his $1 item and my $1 item, and then keep the remaining $18.
The rest of your post was dead on, though, Josh.
Sorry, Kev. Your comment didn’t show up because WordPress thought it might be spam. I don’t know why, you’ve commented a million times on here (ok, maybe not “a million”).
But it’s all good. I “de-spammed” ya!