22
Feb
07

The Differences Between a Man and a Woman

Names

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark , Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

Eating Out

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, a
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Arguments

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that… is the beginning of a new argument.

The Future

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring

Ah,children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

There!  That should stir up some interesting discussion.

Josh H.

Advertisements

4 Responses to “The Differences Between a Man and a Woman”


  1. February 23, 2007 at 9:08 am

    Wow, Josh! I didn’t know that you and Z had already written ya’lls talk for Z’s weekend! Good thing it’s not your anniversary anytime soon!

  2. February 23, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    I must make mention of how Z doesn’t like to dress up for funeral wakes. However, her husband makes her. Great post. We will definitely be discussing this tonight.

  3. 3 kev
    February 23, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    Okay, I posted a comment a few minutes ago. Why isn’t it showing? Oh well, one more time…

    I must point out two flaws in this post:

    Eating Out – If I am at dinner with three guys and they each throw $20 down on the table and refuse to admit they need change, I would not join in and also throw down $20. No, I’d take their $60, give the waitress $40, tell her to keep the change, and pocket the rest. Not only would I get to eat for free, but I’d also be $20 richer.

    Money – I would not pay $2 for a $1 item I need. I would get one of my “$20 dinner friends” to also buy something for $1, watch him throw down another $20, take his money to pay for his $1 item and my $1 item, and then keep the remaining $18.

    The rest of your post was dead on, though, Josh.

  4. February 24, 2007 at 4:53 pm

    Sorry, Kev. Your comment didn’t show up because WordPress thought it might be spam. I don’t know why, you’ve commented a million times on here (ok, maybe not “a million”).

    But it’s all good. I “de-spammed” ya!


Comments are currently closed.

Subscribe


Subscribe to Posts

Subscribe to Comments

Add to Technorati Favorites Technorati

Categories

Read the Old Stuff


%d bloggers like this: