02
Jun
07

6 DUHS

 

This is kind of long but if you feel like getting irritated or sympathizing with me, please read. Josh and I went to a Braves game Friday with a couple of friends of ours. It was kind of a crazy plan to start with since we were going to have to get up at 4:30 the next morning to meet some other friends and leave for a conference in Kentucky. But we figured we’d get home from the game around 12 or 12:30 and get a few hours sleep and just sleep a little on the 8 hour trip. The Braves game was great, we ate a lot of food and had a lot of fun even though the Braves lost (first time I’ve ever seen them lose in person 😦 ).

So anyway, the game was over around 10:30 and we walked Matt and Karen to their car and then went on to our car on the other side of the Comfort Inn. As Josh and I approached, arm in arm and having a grand ol’ time, I noticed a group of about 10 college age kids and a 50ish man gathered directly across from our car in the parking lot. They were watching us intently as we started to get into the car and then two of them followed us over and asked if that was our car (duh #1- we were getting into it). We said yes and one of them indicated a hand-sized dent in the side of their back bumper and asked if we’d hit them. Josh’s car is a Saturn. A PLASTIC car. All of the outer shell is made of plastic. This was a metal bumper of a large SUV. We of course said no, we did not hit their car and they then pointed out a small place on Josh’s front bumper where a bit of plastic had been gouged out and you could see the FOAM underneath. I capitalized these words for emphasis. (duh#2 and 3- Josh’s car had no dent, no scratches, only a small place where the plastic bumper had been hit by something before Josh even bought the car. Also, since his bumper is made of plastic and foam it would have had to have been a massive impact to make the kind of dent that was in the Tahoe’s bumper, and would have also made a huge dent in Josh’s car) By then the whole crowd had gathered by the two cars. The older man told us that they had called the police and that we needed to wait until they got there “to determine what happened”. Josh and I couldn’t believe it. We tried to convince them that we didn’t hit their car and they kept saying things like “maybe you didn’t know you hit it but you did”. It was so infuriating. Already, the common man would be able to tell that our car had not hit theirs by the lack of evidence in duh#2&3. But there is more. One of the girls said “there’s paint on the dent” and I said I couldn’t see it (it was of course dark) and she smarted off “get a flashlight!” and then proceeded to take our her cell phone to illuminate the dented area. Blue paint. (duh #4 -A large streak of bright baby blue paint and Josh’s car is……GREEN!) Dark green. I exclaimed loudly that it was blue paint and the older man said, “well we’ll just have to see what the cops say” (no exaggeration here folks). I also noted (but didn’t say out loud except to Josh) that there was a good bit of dirt on top of the dent and paint. (duh#5) We also pointed out that if we hit them and were planning on denying it that we certainly would not have remained parked beside them. (duh#6)

I could see that there was no reasoning with this group of obviously stupid and irritatingly well-off vacationing Floridians (I already couldn’t stand Floridians, now I know why). So I asked when they had called the police and they said they had about 20 min before that. Then after much more patronizing on their part and anger on my part (Josh had resolved to wait patiently) the group finally moved back over to where they had been waiting before we walked up. We waited about 45 more minutes and I decided to call the cops again. I was absolutely fuming. Finally, around 12:00 am (right about when we would have been getting back into Perry) two police cars pulled up. I love these men. If I was in a better mood I would have kissed them. It took about 5 seconds for them to look at the dent on the Tahoe and the missing plastic on Josh’s car and decide that there was no way on earth that our car had made that dent. HALLELUJAH!!! We knew that they would come to that conclusion but the way they kept looking at the other man and saying over and over “no man, I’m sorry but there is no way that this car mad that dent” and “maybe you hit some debris on the road from Florida” made me rejoice. I also triumphantly pointed out that there was dirt over the dented area and the policeman said “yep, and there’s dirt on it”. I asked the policeman if we could go and he said “sure! go ahead!” So without getting even a faint apology from the crowd of accusers, I slammed the door of our little green Saturn and drove home just in time to get almost 2 hours of sleep before getting up again to get ready for our trip. Which was great by the way. And we did sleep a good bit on the way there, of course.

So, yeah, I’m not good at ending stories, but that’s that. Infuriating, huh? I mean, where did these idiots hatch from? Sheesh.

Lyndsay H.

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1 Response to “6 DUHS”


  1. June 6, 2007 at 8:55 am

    You probably haven’t read these books (they are for children after all), but this sounds so much like something that would happen in A Series of Unfortunate Events. Only, the police officer that came would have been Count Olaf in disguise, and he would have arrested you and taken you “to jail”, but it really would be just away somewhere till he could figure out how to get your fortune. Thank goodness that you guys are not the Boudelaire orphans, but are my friends Lyndsay and Josh Horne!


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