18
Sep
08

I’m a Capitalist and All…But Come on!

The oil companies hiked (and by hiked I mean freakin’ skyrocketed) the price of oil just prior to Hurricane Ike’s landfall.  The companies’ offshore drilling facilities could very well have been hurt in the impending storm so as a just-in-case measure they prepared for the worst.  In my town gas went from approximately $3.79 to approximately $4.79.  That hurt. 

Well I heard a report given by Bill O’Reilly today that even though Ike did a lot of damage, none of the oil companies’ facilities were damaged or even affected by Ike.  Whew!  What a relief! I’m glad those businesses are able to continue operating and haven’t suffered any losses from this unfortunate storm. I guess now we can get things back to the way they were.

So tell me again why I’m still paying over $4.00 for gas? I mean, the threat of Hurricane Ike is over.  No need to prepare for diminished supply right?  That’s what I thought. Any reason to hold us further over the barrel is a good enough reason I suppose.

How do these conversations and decisions to raise oil prices go down exactly?

Oil Company pinhead #1: Guys, we have something big on the horizon. Ike has been declared a hurricane and could cause significant damage.

Oil Company pinhead #2: Oh my gosh! I guess you know what that means.  We could incur big losses. We have to prepare for the worst.

Oil Company pinhead #1: Right!  *on phone* Smithers! Contact the folks downstairs. We’re gonna have to go to Operation: This Might Possibly In a Million Years Assuming Hell Were Frozen Over Cause Us To Halt Production.  We’re gonna have to increase the price.

ONE WEEK LATER

Oil Company pinhead #2: I’m certainly glad we were able to avert that whole Ike thingy.  Say, did you call down and have them change the price back to the pre-Ike rate?

Oil Company pinhead #1: Huh? Uh, no, not yet. I’ll get around to it sometime today. I’m on my way to a round of golf with my proctologist, Dr. Ben Dover. Would you look at that? We’re all out of printer paper? I can’t print my reports.

Oil Company pinhead #2: All out of printer paper!  Oh my gosh! I guess you know what that means…

Oil Company pinhead #1: Right!  *on phone* hello, Smithers?

Josh H.

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2 Responses to “I’m a Capitalist and All…But Come on!”


  1. September 18, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    I sure am glad that you explained this! I was getting really confused by the gas prices that I was seeing. Do you happen to have the mailing address of the Oil Company? I’ll be glad to send them a ream of printer paper – it’d be cheaper than filling up my SUV!

  2. September 18, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    I’m always glad when I can provide a service and not just entertain.


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