Archive for the 'Funny Stuff' Category

25
Apr
09

A Survey

Thanks to Kev for posting this survey and giving me something to blog about.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
“Now the flood was on the earth 40 days.”
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
A bowl of cut up angel food cake. It’s for a dessert for my sis-in-law’s wedding
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Wii bowling. Does a video game count?
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
10:00am
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:22am! I’ve gotta get moving.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My nephew eating a cinnamon roll
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
This morning. Running.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Lyndsay
9. What are you wearing?
Jogging shorts and t-shirt that says Monk on the back.
10. Did you dream last night?
Nuttin’
11. When did you last laugh?
A minute ago when I typed “weeding” instead of “wedding” on number 2.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Pictures and culinary artwork (I’m in a kitchen).
13. Seen anything weird lately?
No.

14. For some reason Kev skipped 14. So take a moment to get something to drink. Okay. Ready?

15. What is the last film you saw?
Casablanca. On my laptop.
16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I’d pay off my bills. Then I’d buy Lyndsay her own Macbook.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
Lyndsay started calling me Monk when we were dating.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or 
politics, what would you do?
Insert Miss South Carolina-type answer here.
19. Do you like to dance?
Take it or leave it. Does headbanging count?
20. George W Bush:
has W for a middle initial.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Sally Avey
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Joshua Lewis
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Only to get away from the U.S. Federal government’s over-reaching and violation of the Constitution. That was a mouthful.
24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate?
“How’s my favorite created being?”
25. Four or Five people who must also do this quiz in THEIR journal?
Is that a question? Whoever wants to. I just desperately needed to blog something.

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11
Mar
09

A Bit of Jeeves & Wooster

Last year I discovered P.G. Wodehouse’s wonderful stories of Jeeves, the valet, and the humorous dim-witted gentleman  he serves named Bertie Wooster.  Not long thereafter Lyndsay and I found that some years ago there was a British television series called “Jeeves and Wooster.”  The part of Jeeves was played by Stephen Frye and the role of Wooster was played wonderfully by one of my favorite actors, Hugh Laurie (“House, MD”).

Here is one of my favorite scenes from the show. It depicts one of the many times Bertie gets Jeeves to help him fill out a song he is trying to sing.  If you enjoy it, you can get “Jeeves and Wooster” DVD’s from Netflix.  You should really check out the show.

06
Feb
09

Worst Fight Scene of All Time

Hate to say it, but this one is definitely a lame-o. Sorry, Kirk.

04
Feb
09

Best Fight Scene Ever

From the film “Undefeatable”. Never heard of it. But you gotta see this clip through to the end. “Yeah, SEE ya!”

21
Jan
09

Whopper Cologne Does Not Equal Good Food

“The scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”

I am not sure how to take this. Burger King has their own cologne. It is called Flame. The slogan for this new scent is “Fire meets Desire”. Sounds interesting. But by some accounts I have heard it smells like…well, it smells bad. It supposedly gives off a flame-broiled scent (translation: it smells like a hamburger).

There is something funny going on at BK. Over the past few years their marketing campaign has been interesting if not genius however I still do not know anyone who enjoys eating there. By the same token, nearly everyone I know loves the amazing marketing efforts of Geico, but I only know of one person who might actually be saving a ton of money on his car insurance…and he works there. Burger King has truly given Geico’s advertising burger-king(gecko, cavemen) a run for its money in the creativity department. Remember when Burger King first introduced the King? Basically it was a guy (I suppose it could have been a female) dressed in kingly garb with an oversized head complete with medieval beard and mustache and sporting a crown. The gag for a while was a “wake up with the King” bit to promote BK’s breakfast menu. Unsuspecting citizens would awaken to start their day only to find the very creepy-looking King in their bed or bathroom or elsewhere in their home. Strange, but humorous.

But a cologne? They even have a website for Flame and other than the fact that it smells like a burger there is not anything particularly humorous about it. Again I do not know how to take this. I can not figure out if Burger King is serious or not. Are they going for the same creepy but funny factor that they tapped with the King or do they really hope guys will spray Flame on themselves, enjoy it, and be so pleased with the success with the ladies that it brings them that they become loyal Burger King customers?

It is really kind of surrealist of them is it not? I mean, the juxtaposition of charbroiled burgers with personal body scent and romance is startling. I feel about this advertising campaign the way I do about any art that I have ever viewed in a public gallery: I feel like I should get it and I would feel more intelligent if I did, but I simply do not. An “art person” can look at a painting of a blue barn in the desert and declare “this touches my soul on so many levels.” I can look at the same painting (and I am not an uncultured guy in my opinion) and declare “ha! Yeah right. Like, who’s going to build a barn in the desert?!” Is anyone else getting something more out of the Flame advertising campaign because I am just not connecting the dots. Like, who’s going to spray hamburger smell all over themselves?!

Josh H.

17
Jan
09

Everyone Should See Spinal Tap At Least Once

14
Jan
09

Honest Scrap—In Yo’ Face!

I have gotten plenty of memes in my time as a blogger but never an honest-to-goodness award. Angi over at We Sleep for Dreaming has nominated me with the prestigious (yet most likely unheard of)…

Honest Scrap Award

honest_scrap_award

When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it (hence my over-the-top cocky title for this post), including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows he or she is real. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends. Show the 7 random victims’ names and links and leave a harassing comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon. List at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!

Ten honest things…okay, here goes:

1. I don’t know if I seem this way to others or not, but I’m actually a little vain. I care about how my clothes and hair look—and yes, sometimes messy IS the look I’m going for.

2. I have been a nail-biter for as long as I can remember. But I have quit for extended periods at least a hundred times. I am now in one of those no-biting periods. Is it for keeps? We’ll see. And for the record, nail biters don’t bite because it feels or tastes good. Nor do we bite simply because we’re nervous. Usually it has to do with trying to smooth out a jagged nail and we can’t quite get it. It’s an OCD thing. It has nothing to do with sadism.

3. One of my aspirations is before I buy the farm I want to write at least one book and have it published.

4. I am vain when it comes to objects I own too. I am an aesthetics kind of guy. I like for my electronic gadgets to not only perform their basic function but to look awesome while doing so. This does NOT make me metro!

5. I sometimes daydream about what I’d say in press conferences if I were the President.

6. I prefer nonfiction over fiction.

7. My first “favorite band” was Guns n’ Roses. I started playing guitar because I wanted to be like Slash. The hair never quite worked out though. I do own a Gibson Les Paul though.

8. When I was 16 my dad, who lived in North Carolina then, bought my first car for me. It was in his name so it had a NC license plate and for some reason that embarrassed me despite the fact that no one ever said anything about it.

9. Every morning when I get out of bed the first thing I do is hook my iPod up to my Macbook and let it download and sync my latest podcasts. Wow! That totally made me sound like an Apple fanboy.

10. Sometimes at work in my cubicle I lip sync to what I’m listening to on my iPod.  I’ve nearly been caught a few times.

Now that you have all that dirt on me it’s your turn; I’m talking to you

Steve at Undeception

Heather at Heather’s Hodgepodge

Jason at Jason & Kimberly

Matt at Shared Ignorance

Leah at 152 Insights Into My Soul (just helping you get to 152)

Heath at Inside the Shack

and of course…

Zeez at Rear Window Ethics (who really, really needs some blog ideas)

Thanks, Angi, that was fun.
Josh H.




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